It’s not easy to listen to something negative about yourself. How do you normally react? How do you feel when someone gives you feedback that is not positive?
Do you get scared or worried?
Do you shut down and say nothing?
Do you become defensive? This person is, after all, telling you that some
thing you do is wrong or inappropriate. Do you feel the need to defend yourself?
This is a self-esteem protection mechanism. You defend your right to exist – even though in reality, the person is merely telling you something that you DID that didn’t feel good for them; you interpret that to mean that YOU are no good as a human being. And your self-esteem cannot handle that so it begins to fight.
And it feels bad. Rarely ends well. And neither party feels heard or valued.
Are you thinking about what is wrong with the other person? Well, if they are going to judge you then certainly you can come up with a few things about them that are bothersome!
This tit-for-tat doesn’t work well either. Both parties wind up arguing and one-upping each other in the “let-me-tell-you-what-is-wrong-with-you” department, and neither party feels heard.
The result? Both people feel devalued. And then what happens? DAMAGE CONTROL!
When we do not value each other up front, we have to do damage control later. And damage control always feels bad! (Even though the hugs are good.)
What might be a better, more gracious way of accepting feedback?
What if, instead, you simply listened? Perhaps you could ask a question to better understand where they are coming from. Invite the person to tell you more about how they feel and to explain themselves so that you truly understand how they perceive you or your actions. This is a true test of a leader.
What is feedback anyway? It is simply perspective that someone is willing to share. It is perception; a thought, an idea. It is NOT truth. It is an idea of reality from someone else’s point of view.
And they are entitled to have their ideas.
Whenever you can receive feedback, it is a gift. Accept is as such.
You cannot possibly know how you impact the lives of others until they tell you.
By allowing them to share – without reacting harshly, without becoming defensive and without judging them – you create a space of trust that is comfortable for them to inform you of what they are thinking or feeling.
At this point, once you have listened and truly understand them, you can then share your own thoughts and clear the space if there is misinformation on their part.
Graciously accepting their perspective does not mean you agree; it simply means that you are willing to listen, that you value this person enough to hear them out and to acknowledge their feelings in this matter.
Only by receiving feedback can we learn about ourselves so we can improve, make changes or adjustments, or choose to keep doing what we are doing. By seeing feedback as a gift rather than something to be feared, we acknowledge our humanness and the right of another to have a perspective and to share it. Healthy relationships rely on feedback without which there is too much guesswork and mind reading. We need to be able to speak up and share, and be heard and listen. Communication is at the heart of our relationships. Receiving feedback is part of it.
Next time someone offers you feedback, just listen. Take it in. Do not judge. Maybe it’s really helpful. Maybe it is positive, even though you might be expecting the negative. Thank the person for sharing – for having the courage to share. And see how your relationship strengthens.
Your partner for success,
Coach Julie, RN ~ Nurturing Your Success
P.S. Want some help to be more gracious with feedback? Contact me today to schedule a free 1/2 hour coaching session.
P.S.S. Learn the five step process for being more assertive! Watch for details coming soon!
Change can be really hard – and fear is one reason why we struggle.
Together, let’s explain fear so we can better understand its purpose and learn some strategies for moving beyond our fear and creating greatness!
This free teleclass is on Tuesday, 3/16 from 7-8pm Eastern Time. Hope you can join us!
Your partner for success,
Coach Julie, RN ~ Nurturing Your Success
How often do you think, “I should have known” or “I should have done this years ago”?
‘Shoulds’ often mean you are judging your actions and your decisions from the past based on the information you have today.
That’s not fair.
“If you should have, you would have.”
With the information you had at the time, given your development and understanding of the issue, life and yourself, you made the choice you made. It was what it was and you were not wrong – you learned and grew from your choice.
Given the same choice today, with different information and a lot more experience, you might make a different choice. But it is really irrelevant because the past is the past.
Self-judgment creates stress and produces more negative thoughts as you berate yourself for
doing something in the past that you have no control over in the present. You cannot change the past.
But you can change how you respond in this moment and how you behave in the future. This is where you need to put your energy.
Ever hear yourself think or say, “I should go… I should take that assignment. I should help my friend”?
‘Shoulds’ can also be about the future and how you are to behave or act. ‘Shoulds’ used in this way are thoughts of obligation or duty. You feel as though y
ou HAVE TO, MUST or are SUPPOSED TO do something or behave a certain way.
These thoughts of obligation are based on rules you learned along the way – perhaps they are societal rules or things you learned growing up.
Unfortunately, these thoughts can be SO engrained in you that guilt overrides your sense of reason and forces you to take on yet another assignment, overextend yourself to yet another friend, charity or association event, or give money for things when you know you need it for yourself.
Guilt is a really hard motivator. It not only causes you to do things that you don’t want to do making you unhappy and stressed out, but also causes resentment to build. You feel angry because you are stuck doing things you don’t want to do but you can’t NOT do them because the guilt is overwhelming.
Whether you ‘should’ yourself about your past or ‘should’ yourself into things in the future, this is no way to live a happy and healthy life. Learn to be more assertive – with yourself – and take back your power!
Whenever you hear yourself ‘shoulding’, stop and assess: Is this about something in your past or the future?
If it’s about the past:
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Tell yourself “If you should have, you would have.”
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Stop beating yourself up and instead consider that you made the best choice you could at that time. Show the younger YOU some compassion and love.
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Give yourself credit for the choices you made in the past. What can you be grateful for? There is so much you have learned from this choice you made.
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Move your thoughts into the here and now. What needs your attention right now? What are you feeling or what do you need – reassurance, attention, love?
If you are about to do something out of obligation – because you ‘should’:
- Ask yourself if you really want to. Are you the best person for the job? Is this a valuable way for your to spend your time? Do you have the energy, time and resources to get involved with this right now?
- If guilt is the only reason for doing it, then give yourself permission to say no. Say no just because you need the practice! And then notice what happens. I promise, the sky will not fall down.
- What are you afraid of? “Guilt is fear turned inward”. And “there is no joy when living in fear.” The fear you experience has been created through your thinking patterns. It’s not real fear but rather the perceived fear that something will happen if you don’t ______ – fill in the blank.
Take back your power to live your life your way by being willing to assert yourself and do those things that bring you joy, fill you up, and make you feel great.
And stop ‘shoulding’ yourself!
Your partner for success,
Coach Julie, RN ~ Nurturing Your Success
P.S. Want some help to let go of the shoulds? Schedule your free coaching strategy session today and gain strategies for letting go of YOUR shoulds.
P.S.S. Do you ‘should’ on others too? How does that make others feel and what is the impact to your relationships? Perhaps we can discuss this at your coaching strategy session. Schedule a free ½ hour today.
Sue felt the tug in her body telling her that this wasn’t right but she ignored it – for years. And now, she is paying the price.
When we discussed the issue, which happened to be about her teeth, Sue realized several times in her life listening to the advice of so-called “experts” and feeling this tug that told her something wasn’t right, but she ignored her inner voice because, “Well, they were the experts so they knew better than me.”
Expert could mean dentist, doctor, hairstylist, therapist, financial advisor, and coach – anyone in a particular position or having a title or credential.
For Sue, the reason she ignored her inner voice was because she overvalued the credentials of others and undervalued the small voice within her. Sue was blinded by her desire to be a good girl. She put her dentist on a pedestal and diminished herself in her mind. And for this, she pays a price. (Luckily, she won’t lose her teeth but she requires extensive surgery on her mouth.)
There are other reasons that you might value others ideas and perspectives over your own. For instance:
- You feel that you shouldn’t speak up.
- You hear that voice telling you, “Who am I to say something different?”
- It may be cultural – you’re not supposed to question someone in authority, or a man, or someone in a particular position.
- It could be that you don’t trust your inner voice; you don’t pay attention to it, or you may not even notice it!
Whatever the situation, it is your thinking that guides you to make the choices you make.
Often your thinking is not accurate or healthy, but you may not realize it. You’ve been thinking these same thoughts all of your life and have neurological connections to support these habits of thought. To you, this is how it is. It’s what you are used to, and you never considered questioning how you think. (Until now, I hope!)
Whenever you say “yes” to something that you know in your heart and soul is not right for you, you diminish yourself and hold other people’s opinions and decisions as having greater value than your own. In other words, you DE-value YOU and OVER-value others.
Over time, this impacts you – physically, mentally, and spiritually.
The strategy for Sue, now that we have uncovered this thinking pattern, is for her to properly value herself and to acknowledge her intuitive ‘hits’ when they occur. She does not have to take her intuition as truth; but she can choose to get a second opinion, to discuss it with others whom she trusts (her coach, for instance) and then make choices that honor her rather than simply take something that another person says without questioning its validity or worth.
That little tug makes all the difference in the world and when we don’t listen to it – when we don’t honor ourselves – it hurts us and the people who love us.
The question for you is: In what way(s) are you NOT honoring yourself?
How do you know?
- You know by the small tug inside you.
- You know by any emotions you feel: anger, resentment, frustration, and disappointment.
Notice these emotions today and ask yourself: “What do I need to do to honor ME in this situation?”
Honoring yourself means asserting yourself in some way in order to get your needs met.
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Identify what hurts you.
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What do you need in order to feel good in this situation?
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Create a strategy for asserting yourself and getting that need met.
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Let me know what you discover.
Your partner for success,
Coach Julie ~ Nurturing Your Success
PS. Want help creating a strategy for asserting yourself? Contact me to arrange a free coaching strategy session today! Struggle is an option.
Challenge: I’m a new manager leading a team of sales professionals. One of my associates is very negative and does minimal work. While he meets quota, he could do so much more and his negativity impacts the other members of our team. He’s been with our company for a number of years and it seems no one has done anything. How should I handle it?
Regardless of where you work there seems to be someone who is negative, enjoys gossiping or whose pessimistic view dampens the rest of the team.
Creating chaos, causing difficulties between coworkers and starting debates in meetings are some of the behaviors exhibited by this Negative Nelly. Always providing an excuse, knowing just who to blame and taking any minor event and making it into a major catastrophe, this person manages to manipulate the situation to deflect attention from her. In summary, this person seems to be able to do or say whatever they want to the dismay of their coworkers.
Paying the Price
Managers often do not know how to handle this type of situation and therefore, the person seems to get away with the behavior; but this doesn’t happen without a price. The entire organization suffers in both obvious and not so obvious ways.
Obvious ways can be disgruntled staff, staff turnover, complaints and a pervasive negative energy when dealing with this person or with the department where he or she works. The loss of even one employee can be very costly to your organization. And when your employees are distracted, their performance and their productivity suffer. When employees aren’t working at their level of excellence, there’s an opportunity cost for the organization. The time and energy spent thinking about and talking about this person’s actions could be better spent performing their job duties.
Not so obvious impacts can occur in the form of customer dissatisfaction or lost revenue. This means, the impact on the company is difficult to measure from a lost customer. If the customer has a bad experience, not only do they take their business elsewhere, they harbor adverse feelings toward your company and tell others about their unpleasant experiences.
Permitting a difficult employee to negatively impact your organization, rather than dealing with their behavior, is costly to your organization. If not addressed, their behavior often continues until something happens that makes it impossible to ignore.
Tolerating the Behavior
First of all, the behavior is the issue not the person. The person is wonderful; the behavior is not. Confusing these two elements can cause managers and coworkers not to act. If you fear hurting the person’s feelings, then you are addressing the person rather than the behavior.
Read more…
Your partner for success,
Coach Julie ~ Nurturing Your Success
Only three, you ask? Well, I could make up more if you like but, really, it’s very simple. We just tend to make life hard for ourselves.
Limiting beliefs are out-dated and hurtful habits of thought that are often unknown to you. The impact of them, however, causes your discomfort and discontent. Because they are self-imposed, in other words, you have power over your thoughts – they are yours and they are in your brain – the good news is that you can change them.
Step One: Name it. What is your limiting belief?
Often, you will hear yourself use definitive language such as always, never, will/won’t, or can’t. Listen to the language you use during the course of your day. In what ways are you limiting yourself with these thoughts?
Your beliefs have a tremendous amount of power as they guide your daily living.
The challenge: recognizing and identifying the limitation. The problem is that you live like this belief is truth and have been for a long time – perhaps even since you were a child – so it has become “who you are” and “how you think.”
Coaching tip: pay close attention to how you think and talk about people, things, ideas, and places. Shift from being closed-minded to becoming open to revisit and explore your thoughts and perspectives about, well, everything. You can always choose to keep your old beliefs; this step is merely about naming the beliefs, giving you the power to choose. Otherwise, you remain a slave.
Step Two: That may have been true until now…
Once you name the limiting belief, for instance, “I will never be promoted”, then add the word “YET” to the end of the sentence. “I have not YET been promoted to the job I desire.”
“I have not YET met my future spouse.”
“I have not YET become a doctor.”
“I have not YET saved a million dollars.”
This puts the power back in your hands. Until now, the belief that you were not good enough, smart enough, quick enough or rich enough has been running your life and holding you back from achieving something else – something MORE.
You see, whatever you believe – whatever you THINK about – becomes true. So if your limiting belief is that you will never be promoted then you won’t be, because you won’t take the necessary steps, do the things, or become the kind of person you need to become in order to be promoted because, well, you don’t believe it’s even possible! So why bother?
After my divorce, I used to say, “I’ll never get married.” Of course, my mother would remind me, “Never say ‘never’. You never know.” And one day, finally, I agreed with her. I didn’t realize that my words were limiting me. So long as I believed I would never marry, that was true. I hadn’t really considered what I wanted for my life; I was merely holding on to the bitterness that I felt when the relationship ended. As soon as I let go of that belief, I was able to allow love to (re)enter my life.
Coaching tip: you have not YET learned what it takes to be promoted. Not yet…
Step Three: Now what? What do you want to believe instead?
This gives you back the power to create the belief that will work for you moving forward. Ask yourself ‘is the old belief working for you?’ If you are not achieving the results you want, then chances are really good that it’s your beliefs – your thoughts – that need a changing.
Kelly was a great leader at work but felt truly powerless at home. She felt disrespected and would avoid spending time with her family. It was a problem. We discovered a belief she held about men and their role in the home. She held that men should take the lead and that women should be more passive – something she learned from her mother.
“Is that working for you?”
Kelly replied with a resounding “NO!” Her husband never took the lead, she remained passive, and things were chaotic and disorderly.
In that moment of clarity, Kelly chose a new thought, one that had women take a more active role in maintaining order in the home. If she could do it successfully at work, she could bring it home!
It’s that simple to change the thought; it’s not as simple to create actions that support the new thought. But that’s a story for another post.
Your coaching tip: Is that working for you? And if not, what thoughts WILL nurture and empower you to success?
Want some hints? Contact me to arrange a time to talk and stop fighting with yourself. It’s not fun…
Your partner for success,
Coach Julie ~ Nurturing Your Success
How will you be happy with more?
This anonymous quote reflects the natural laws of the universe: the Law of Attraction and the Law of Creation. You cannot be happy with more *unless and until* you can enjoy what you already have.
Steve is very successful by any standard. He loves his work, although he doesn’t love his boss. He has a nice house, some savings and a woman who adores him.
He suffers from a lack of confidence and low self-esteem. Although he is grateful and happy about what he has, in his mind, he focuses on all the things that are wrong and what he doesn’t have yet. This makes him stressed, unhappy, and tends to fuel his self-doubt and self-loathing which then impacts his relationship and other areas of his life.
So to him, life is a mess. It’s not really, but it certainly FEELS like it’s a mess. And he is stuck.
And that doesn’t feel good. It’s not happy and he wants to find his way free to create some new things in his life, including finding different employment.
If he wants happy, he has to learn to enjoy what he already has. How can he possibly enjoy more if he cannot enjoy or appreciate what he already has?
How do you learn to be happy? How do you learn to love yourself and appreciate all you have and all you are?
Baby steps. And an attitude of gratitude.
Each d
ay, choose something to be grateful for about YOU. Perhaps you are happy about your ability to think, your hands, your particular talent. Perhaps you are happy that you were born with two feet. You can be grateful for your health – even if you have some health issue, there has to be something you can be grateful for. After all, if you are reading this then be grateful for your ability to read, be alive, learn, and understand/process language.
There is always something to be grateful for because, as the old Jewish saying reminds us, “It could always be worse!” (This is a great little children’s book.)
To celebrate the small things that add value to your life is where your happiness starts to grow. And the more you appreciate life – all you ARE and all you have NOW – the more willing the universe is to give you more.
It is very easy to look at your life and see what is wrong or not as you want it to be. If you compare yourself to others, your discontent will worsen.
But with any situation, you can look at what you have appreciate and enjoy yourself, OR you can look at what you don’t have and conjure unhappy thoughts making you depressed, disappointed or frustrated.
When I was paying off my debt, for instance, every time I had to pay a bill, I shifted my thoughts FROM fear and lack — “How am I going to pay this? Will I have enough money?” TO abundance and appreciation — “I am so grateful that I have the money to pay for this bill! It feels wonderful to use this service/product and to be able to pay for it with the money I earn.”
By doing this consciously and consistently, I learned to think differently about money – about spending, saving, and earning as well as the role money plays in my life.
Be careful with how you THINK about all of the things in your life including how you THINK about YOU.
Whatever you THINK about, creates BELIEF, attaches EMOTION, and creates your RESULTS.
Change your thoughts, change your results.
Here are three steps to get started:
1) Observe your thinking. Are your thoughts positive, moving you toward your dream? Or are they negative, causing you pain and discomfort? Awareness comes first.
2) Be grateful for the things you DO have, the things you DO enjoy, and the ability you have to live as you do. Take baby steps and just start looking for things to appreciate in life. You have accomplished so much and have come so far. What is wonderful about you, your body, your situation, life?
3) Accept responsibility for your life – your thoughts, your actions, your words, your choices, and your outcomes. Eliminate excuses, accept your current predicament, and accept that only YOU have the power to change your life. Only YOU can make yourself happy. You have the power.
With great power comes great responsibility.
Use it well.
Your partner for success,
Coach Julie ~ Nurturing Your Success
P.S. You don’t have to have all the answers yourself or go it alone. Schedule your complimentary coaching session today – stop wishing things were different and start doing things differently!
A staff member doesn’t handle a problem with a customer well, and you, as the manager, are upset. You think to yourself, “Why on earth would he do such a thing? Doesn’t he know better? He should know that’s not how to deal with a customer!”
Your young child is playing upstairs. You decide to go and check on her and discover that she’s been drawing on the wall. “Look at my beautiful picture!” this small face smiles up to you. You, of course, are enraged and think before responding, “Haven’t I taught her not to draw on the wall? Doesn’t she know better?”
There are probably thousands of examples of these moments, moments when you think “What would make someone do that?” It is at this very moment when we reach a fork in the road and quite often, we get stuck. The stuck point is the assumption that the person knows better. This is the expectation. You have an expectation for how an employee should behave, how your children should behave, how things should function, even how you should be and what you should do. These expectations sound like “shoulds”.
Unmet Expectations Are a Great Source of Stress
Expectations in and of themselves are not bad. We need to have some direction, some vision, and some idea of what we want. Of course, some expectations are unrealistic and this causes tremendous stress, anxiety, anger, struggle, and discontent. But other expectations are reasonable and realistic. Whatever the case, it’s not having the expectation that gets us in trouble; it’s when the expectation is not met that gives us difficulty.
Read more here…
Your partner for success,
Coach Julie ~ Nurturing Your Success
Sounds like a trick question. Of course it is better to end a bad relationship and be on your own or leave a job where you are being mistreated and undervalued for something better.
And yet, haven’t you ever stayed entirely too long in a bad situation – a job or relationship – hoping the situation would change or fix itself, believing that if you ignore it that it would go away, or allowing fear to overwhelm and keep you stuck?
It’s easy to say you would leave a bad situation when, in truth, most of us struggle with that decision, even when we know what is best for us.
One Monday morning, Joe tells Joanne, his wife of 20 years, that he had an affair over the weekend and that he is addicted to pornography. He was shaken up about what he had done and was ready to come clean. Joanne, although very upset, remained calm and used empathetic listening to learn about what it has been like for him and what he has been going through. They talked about his needing professional help. And she informed him that she would be moving out. The marriage was over – just like that.
How would you have handled the situation? Would you be able to stay calm and ask questions? Or would your emotions get the better of you? Would you be able to just pack up and leave?
Do not judge Joanne for her decision. You may have thoughts about saving him, helping your partner, the years you have ‘invested’ in the relationship, your commitment “til death do you part”, and many other thoughts including “What will I do now?” and “What will people say?”
Notice these thoughts. What would you do if this were your relationship?
There is no right or wrong. Notice the excuses, the rationalizations you make for your partner’s behavior. Notice how your mind tries to process the situation and what you say to yourself.
Imagine what Joanne must be feeling – anger, outrage, disbelief. She may be bargaining with the truth trying to grasp the reality of her situation. She may feel sad, ashamed or embarrassed. She may be angry at herself for not seeing it sooner. Was she really that blind?
What other feelings can you imagine someone might experience in a similar situation?
She handled herself so bravely and calmly and gracefully. How do you think she feels about herself?
In order to create an amazing relationship or enjoy great relationships with others in your life, there are several keys to success which I teach in my course called Creating Amazing Relationships. An amazing *anything* doesn’t just exist; you have to envision it and then take the necessary steps to create it.
One key is commitment. However, you have to know what you are committed TO. In romantic relationships, it is important that you commit to creating the relationship. You commit to being your best. Care has to be taken to not commit to the other person over which you have no control.
In this situation, it seems that Joanne was very clear about what she is committed to, what she stands for, what is important to her. She knew instantly that the commitment was severed – not when he actually became physical with another woman, but rather when he started escaping away from their marriage and into the world of pornography. He is an addict.
When you are in a healthy, mature relationship, you share yourself with your partner.
If you are drowning in escapism, however, whatever your drug-of-choice – debt, gambling, porn, drugs, drinking, even TV or video games – you do not have anything of substance to give.
One of the most important keys to success – in relationships and in life – is to BE YOUR BEST. In your relationships and your work, you create environments to help nurture your success and cultivate your best self to burst forth and experience all life has to offer.
This is impossible to do with a partner who is incapable of being honest with themselves, let alone with you.
Can you have compassion for someone, love them, and yet, still leave them?
Again, there is no right or wrong answer. But it begs the question, What is Love? Is ‘loving you’ about struggling to help you to change and get well? Or is it more about supporting you so that you can get the help you need? And if that is true, is it best to remain in the relationship hoping you take responsibility for your own growth or is it best for me to leave?
No one can answer that question except you.
What are you committed TO? Are you committed to your fear (of being alone, not being good enough, etc) or to your happiness and self-preservation?
To stay in a relationship or a job where you live in fear – fear of being alone, fear of not being good enough, fear of the future – or staying in a bad situation out of some kind of obligation rather than choice, may not be healthy for you. Your partner or employer gets to choose; why can’t you choose what is best for you?
It seems that is what Joanne did. She believed that she was worthy of better. This man has made many, many choices to get him to this place. She can choose to spend the next months, years, and decades alongside him as he struggles to get free from his addiction. She can try to forgive him and love him anyway. Or she can leave, heal herself, learn from this experience, and start a new life.
How can you become the kind of person who would no longer struggle with decisions like these? In what ways are you making excuses or escaping and avoiding?
Life won’t wait. Why should you?
Your partner for success,
Coach Julie ~ Nurturing Your Success
P.S. There is no reason to struggle. If you are ‘escaping and avoiding’ something or living in pain, let’s start you moving toward freedom. Contact me to schedule your free coaching strategy session today.
Where are you trying to prove yourself?
How much time and energy are you spending trying to see your own personal value through the eyes and acknowledgements of others?
In your struggle to find your personal value, do you ever get it? Do you ever get the approval you seek?
And when you do, how does it feel? Does the feeling last? Or do you feel the need to chase the approval again?
We may attempt to prove ourselves and our worth in many ways. Needing to prove ourselves can be insidious as we strive to be accepted. This is a basic human need.
For instance, you might take on extra projects with the intention of ‘looking good’ and impressing others. You might create drama or tell stories about how hard your life is to gain attention (victimhood). You might participate in unhealthy relationships or not speak up for yourself when you’ve been hurt.
However this shows up for you, you no longer need to prove yourself to anyone. This operating system began when you were young. It is how you learned to survive and get your needs met. It is not what you need now as an adult and a leader.
As a leader, looking to gain acceptance from others may show up as being unable to delegate or outsource. You may have difficulty handling conflict or challenging situations out of fear of NOT being accepted. You may question yourself and experience a lot of self-doubt. This not only increases your levels of stress and productivity, but also impacts your ability to lead and influence others.
When you accept that you are complete and whole, that you are not lacking in anyway, you stop looking outside yourself for something or someone to complete you.
~ The Little EBook of Wisdom
When you operate from a need to prove your value, you seek attention and validation from outside sources and will keep looking for ways to prove yourself until the need is satisfied.
The problem is that, because you don’t believe in your own value – because you have not yet accepted yourself – you continue to look for it from elsewhere.
When you look outside yourself for validation of how you should be or act, you actually give your power away to some external person or thing! It is YOU who requires your approval and consideration.
~ The Little EBook of Wisdom
The bottom line: be self-accepting. Recognize your value as a human being and how amazing you are. Become more self-appreciating and celebrate the qualities that make you special and unique.
You cannot find what you are looking for in something outside of you. You cannot buy enough stuff to make you happy; there will always be a longing for something more.
~ The Little EBook of Wisdom
Here is your “Nurture Yourself” Coaching Challenge:
1) Spend some time looking for ways in which you seek approval from others. Journal about it.
2) Imagine how life would be different if you didn’t spend so much time and effort doing things in order to gain approval from elsewhere. You’d have more time and energy to put into doing other things, for instance. You’d also feel more confident.
3) When you recognize that you are seeking approval from someone else, instead, ask yourself how YOU might approve of yourself.
You don’t need to prove anything to anyone. You are whole and complete and wonderful.
Your partner for success,
Coach Julie ~ Nurturing Your Success
P.S. If this was an especially difficult post for you to read, then schedule a complimentary coaching strategy session with me and together, let’s break through this wall of resistance! Just send me an email with “I need a session!” in the subject line.
