Are You A Rebel?
How does it feel when someone tells you what to do?
When we were kids, many of us hated to be told what to do, who to be, and how to do things. We wanted to be free to think for ourselves – and be encouraged to do so. It certainly doesn’t get easier as we become adults. We have learned a thing or two over the years and want to be respected for that!
Most people have at least some difficulty being told what to do. It is easier when we perceive at the very least that the person has some knowledge or expertise about what they are telling us to do. But even then we may struggle.
This interferes with our ability to succeed at meeting our goals and being productive.
We rebel. We stop listening. We may become defensive. (“Who do they think they are anyway?”) We refuse to do whatever it is they ask or do it half-way.
And here’s the kicker, it doesn’t matter WHO is telling you what to do. If you have this thought process, if you don’t like to be told, then even when it is YOU doing the telling (like cutting back on sweets and working out every day) and even if it is in your own best interest (like your health), you may rebel. You may not listen. And this causes you to struggle. It holds you back from achieving the success you desire.
Why? Because your thoughts carry an emotional reaction which is triggered when you interpret someone to be “telling you what to do” and impinging upon your freedom to be yourself and do as you choose. (“You are not going to tell me I cannot have chocolate! I’ll do whatever I please!”)
It’s your INTERPRETATION and the TRIGGER that causes the reaction in your body ALONG WITH your habituated BEHAVIORAL RESPONSE.
For instance, what occurs and how does it feel when someone – your boss, a colleague, your spouse, a parent, or child – makes a request of your time or talents? Some people can feel like they are being controlled even though it is a totally innocent request. Tone can impact how it’s received but often it can be a simple request like “can you pick up the dry cleaning?” It can also be a particular person who triggers this response.
How does it feel when you want to start a new exercise program or put together a nutrition plan? Do you feel like you are being boxed in or restricted – like your freedom is being taken away?
Just because you have this reaction does not mean that it’s truth. It is habit – the way you HEAR the request.
How do you move beyond the feeling and respond in your own best interest rather than rebelling?
The goal is to be AT CHOICE rather than reacting to the thoughts and your emotions regarding being told what to do.
Step one: NOTICE your thoughts and the emotions when they are triggered.
Step two: STEP BACK from these thoughts, judgments and emotions.
By rebelling, you are pushing the other person away and not allowing them to share information. Respect the person and look for the potential wisdom in what they are sharing. You don’t have to necessarily do what it is they are asking. Just listen. If you are unclear, ask a question.
Step three: CHOOSE to do what is in your best interest. Don’t react to your thoughts or to the other person’s ideas. Breathe. Consider your options. Choose based on what is most important to you given your values and your situation.
Respect the other person. Respect yourself. Let go of these old beliefs that no longer serve you.
The result? Improved relationships. Increased self-esteem with greater self-control over your emotions. And less stress!
Please comment below. I love to hear from you.
Your partner for success,
Coach Julie ~ Nurturing Your Success
