Bring Down the Walls between Us to Develop Trust

There is a wall of fear that we erect around our hearts.

Pain from past experiences creates a shield to protect us from the anticipation of bad behavior from others. Often created at a time when you were unable to protect yourself, it is a wall of fear and doubt, suspicion, judgment, anger, and even hate.

For years, this wall stands guard, keeping you safe. Although the wall was erected long ago – at a different time and place – you have become used to it being there and never learned how to bring it down. Perhaps it never occurred to you to live differently; it didn’t create a problem…until now.

While the wall keeps you safe behind its confines, it also keeps you distant from others. The fear you experience keeps you in a hyper vigilant state of distrust, making it difficult to depend on or defer (delegate) to others. Your fear also keeps your focus on YOU and on maintaining your wall. This impacts your ability to cooperate and collaborate, to be productive and, well, happy.

You are not liberated by the wall; you are, in fact, a prisoner, for the best of you is locked away behind it.

In order to create productive and trusting relationships, we must learn ways to bring down, not only our own wall, but the walls of others as well.

When you want to change an outcome in your life, like most things in personal development, it starts with you.

First, bring down your wall of suspicion and judgment in how you treat and approach others. Let go of your wall – of the need to maintain your wall – and you will be free to trust yourself again (or for the first time).

Then, using empathy, you can bring down the walls of others and learn to connect at much deeper levels to create trust and open the channels of communication and cooperation.

How do you bring down your wall?

• Let go of your past and dump the hurts you carry with you,
• Give up the attitude,
• Let go of your need to be right and the attachment you have to your old way of thinking,
• Accept that the way you’ve been operating has been keeping people out and is no longer serving you, and
• Open up to new possibilities and explore different perspectives.

Thank that part of you that has been your protector for her work over the years. She has done an amazing job; it’s now time for you to take charge. She must believe that you have the necessary skills and strength to make good decisions on your own behalf.

Be patient with yourself. And give up self-judgment. You’ve been too hard on yourself for way too long.

As you bring down the wall that you hide behind, you are empowered, free to connect with others, to let others get to know you and experience you and to be more curious about what might be going on for them because you’ll be less concerned and focused on yourself.

By approaching others without a thick wall, you are communicating that you are safe. People feel comfortable working with you, making mistakes, doing their

best without fearing judgment or expecting pain.

As a leader, creating a safe space and a healthy work environment is essential to unleash creativity and productivity for producing the results you seek and for creating a workplace that brings out the best in others.

And in that space we share, there must be trust.

Respect is the key that unlocks the door and allows the person to bring down their wall so we can access their potential and start to build trust.

One way we demonstrate respect is to employ empathy. Empathy tells the person you care. Empathy allows you to approach someone without judgment, without trying to fix them or be right, but rather be curious, listen, and be with them as they express their thoughts and feelings.

Of course, you have to be sincere to use empathy and to create a trusting, safe, and healthy work environment.

Have compassion with yourself – forgive, let go, accept yourself without judgment, and start building trust with yourself. Bring down your wall so you can begin to connect more deeply.

Employ empathy with others by caring and giving them permission to be their wonderful selves behind their wall. They don’t know how to be great; although they want to be. Make it safe for them to peek out from their hiding place.

Leave your comments below. I’d love to hear from you.

Your partner for success,

Coach Julie, RN ~ Nurturing Your Success

P.S. I have an opening for a new client starting in June. Call me to schedule a coaching interview now to determine if coaching will help you to achieve the success you desire.