From Struggle to Acceptance

Struggle is your response to whatever is occurring. You want so badly for things to be different you’re unwilling to surrender to what is. Whatever your situation be it difficulties with your kids or spouse or a job where no one listens to your ideas, there’s something you’re not accepting and you’re pushing up against it, willing it to be the way you think it should be that’s causing your distress.

Stop. Be still. And breathe. Take some time to simply be with yourself and ask yourself how things would be different if you were to just accept that this is the way it is. You don’t have to like it; it just is. Stop fighting reality. Once you accept the event, person, or situation as being exactly the way it is – like it or not – you can make better decisions as to how to respond and where you want to go from here.

The Choice is Yours

Often people think that they have no choices; that’s not true – there’s always a choice. You may not like your choices but that’s something else entirely.

Read more…

Your partner for success,

Coach Julie, RN ~ Nurturing Your Success

PS – Want to eliminate struggle in your life? Schedule a free 30-minute coaching session to learn how coaching can benefit you. Why struggle any longer? Unless you enjoy the struggle…

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But are you READY to change?

You tell yourself you need to do this. You tell others too. People are tired of hearing it! And so are you.

But wanting something, even realizing “why” this is important to you, isn’t enough to do the work. You must be ready, willing and able to give up what you have for something better. Only then will you do whatever it takes to follow through and make it happen.

Although you want something different, you may not be at the point where you are willing to commit to change. This is why you keep talking about it, wanting it, dreaming about it but are not taking the steps needed to make the change. You are not ready to commit.

When you are committed, then you are ready. Until you are committed, you are still contemplating, dreaming, wishing…

It is okay to dream and wish for better things. We need to do that in order to identify areas in which we are not satisfied. When we become aware, we can then make different choices to create something different for ourselves.

Dreaming and wishing, however, does not mean that you are READY to actually embark upon the change. It simply means you are, well, dreaming.

People who seek out a coach are ready. They want something better and they are ready to do something about it.

You may not, however, know HOW to change or what, exactly, you WANT. But you know that where you are right now ISN’T where you want to be anymore and you are READY to DO SOMETHING about it.

If you are not acting on your desire to change, perhaps you are not ready.

Acknowledge that. Don’t fight with yourself about it. Be okay with it. It’s a great place to be. It doesn’t mean anything. It means you are HERE, not THERE on your journey.

Instead of beating yourself up or wishing and hoping for change, focus on GETTING READY.

Three strategies will help you to GET READY FOR CHANGE:

1) Accept your current reality as it is. Eliminate denial. Stop avoiding, minimizing, or making excuses for how bad it is or how unhappy you are. FACE REALITY AS IT IS. If you cannot face reality, there is no reason to change it.

2) You will be motivated to move away from pain or toward pleasure. People change ONLY when there is great impetus to do so. You must believe that your current reality is so bad that you can no longer stand it. You must be completely fed up! OR you can focus your thoughts on the pleasure you will experience when you have changed.

3) Surrender. Getting ready means preparing your inner world – your mind – for letting go of its attachment to your current habits, routine, comfort zone and identity. You must become willing to let go of it all in order to embrace and create a new life – a new YOU.

To be ready for change means you are willing to become someone new. And since you only know how to be who you are now and do the things you do, everything needs to be different. You need to learn new tools for living in order to achieve the change you want to make.

Being ready ONLY asks that you are willing and prepared to begin; it is okay for you to not know how to proceed – at least, at first. That will come.

First, get ready. And if you’re not ready for change, focus your energies on getting ready.

Your partner for change,

Coach Julie, RN ~ Nurturing Your Success

PS Want to change something in your life? Learn how hiring a coach can help you achieve great results in less time. Schedule a free session today to learn more. You’re worth it.

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“Happiness is an inside job.”

Happiness is ONLY possible when you feel good about yourself from the INSIDE…when you feel worthy, deserving, and are accepting and compassionate with yourself: When you take CARE of yourself first and foremost and make choices that respect and honor you.

This means building a foundation upon which everything else becomes meaningful – including extrinsic rewards.

Without a solid foundation, life falls apart. You struggle. You have more stress and sleepless nights. You worry and are anxious. You experience more problems and have more difficulties. You wonder why life is so hard and why things are not working the way you want them to. You are pushing rather than enjoying.

And inside you know there must be a better way to live. You are often waiting for the “shoe to drop” so to speak.

When you build your life on a house of cards, then that is exacly what you will experience: FEAR and worry that any minute the house will come tumbling down. 

Much like building a house, there are several elements required before you would go out and buy furniture or paint. You first need to build a strong foundation without which it would be pointless to attempt to put up walls and a roof.

The same is true with we humans. We first need to build a solid foundation upon which everything else is added.

Our foundation begins to develop when we reach adulthood. But it doesn’t stop; we often just forget to pay it the attention it requires. You have a strong foundation, when you:

• know and live your values
• live on healthy energy sources and give up your addiction to adrenaline
• give up your addiction to drama and to problems – raise your personal standards
• manage your needs and make direct requests to get them met
• create strong boundaries
• live in integrity
• eliminate what you are tolerating
• clear unresolved issues – including key family relationships
• live in the present
• have a positive attitude about life

Whenever you find yourself stressed or are dissatisfied with or stressed about something in your life, often if you go back to the basics, you’ll discover that your foundation that is weak and requires attention.

How can you strengthen your foundation? Choose one area and start making changes to improve.

I have several assessments on the website to assist you or you can contact me for more.

Integrity is a great place to start. Identify where you might be out of integrity and start fixing that. You’ll feel so much better and you’ll be able to sleep at night! Which helps you to think more clearly…

As you improve one area, you will start to see how other areas are connected.

In our quest for change including the quest to lose weight, or whether you are seeking employment, getting promoted – whatever change you want to make, come home to your foundation and seeks ways to strengthen this first.

By taking responsibility for your personal development, you start to build a foundation that is strong and that can withstand life’s challenges. You stop looking outside yourself for love and acceptance; you start to respect and honor yourself.

And this is where TRUE happiness is found: by knowing that you are doing the right things for yourself and taking care of the basics, you lay a strong foundation upon which you can build great things.

Your partner for success,

Coach Julie, RN ~ Nurturing Your Success

PS – Want help building a strong foundation? Schedule a free coaching session to learn more about the four-month individual coaching program.

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To begin, you MUST ask yourself – and answer – this question:

WHY?

Why do you want to embark upon this change?

Perhaps for you it’s not weight; perhaps you have a different change you’d like to make. That’s great. You have to know why you want to do this.

Change is not easy. There has to be a really good reason for rocking your world; so big, in fact, that it provides you with the motivation you need to sustain you along the way.

Why do you want this? Why is this important to you?

Be honest with yourself. If you make this change, what will it do for you and for your life? How will it ADD VALUE to you?

Is this important enough that you are willing to do whatever it takes to achieve the results you seek?

You have to make the change for YOU: not for your kids, or your boss, or your spouse. For YOU.

It cannot be a SHOULD, something you should do because…(fill in the blank here). If you should do it but you don’t want to, you will sabotage your efforts and fail. Get honest with yourself and give up on SHOULDS. Focus instead on getting READY.

There has to be a reason and it has to be a good one. It can be simple, like your health. It need not be complicated or fancy. But it needs to be a strong motivator to break through the habits that you have now, the habits that will fight to keep you doing things the way you have been for so long.

Why is this important to you NOW? You may hold onto goals from when you were younger, still thinking you want that someday. Is today the day or is the goal outdated? Is it REALLY something you want for yourself NOW? And is NOW the right time to embark upon this change?

When you know why this change is important, then this is your purpose statement, the reason that makes accomplishing this change meaningful and powerful. With this purpose statement, you increase your confidence and are ready to take the next step.

I’d love to hear your reason for wanting your change. Please comment below – share about the change you want to make and WHY. Why is this important to you at this time in your life?

I’ll share mine – I am losing 50 pounds because this is one area of my life in which I have never felt in control. I want some control. I also want to take charge NOW because there is no later. If I wait it will only get harder, not only to lose weight, but to get in shape. I want to be healthy for the rest of my life. I want to be my best.

I look forward to hearing from you.

Your partner for success,

Coach Julie, RN ~ Nurturing Your Success

PS – Not sure your reason for change is strong enough to go the distance? Arrange a free 30-minute coaching session to see how coaching with me can help you succeed!

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I have lost 7 pounds. Not bad.

Here is a video about my quest AND what I ask of YOU!

So, what am I learning?

I am eating more than I am supposed to. I am allotted a certain number of points each day and find it difficult to stay within that limit. I come close, but I consistently go over.

Luckily, Weight Watchers allows for this and gives you a weekly point allowance. Whew!

I have been consistently working out and enjoying walks in this beautiful weather. Last week, we were visiting West Virginia and I took a long walk along the Ohio River. Gorgeous! And it was very peaceful.

I am learning new habits and making better choices about what I eat, how much, and the value of physical activity on my energy level and lung capacity.

Good stuff! We must celebrate our success along the way, right?

So, what’s next?

Now that I have lost some weight, my daily point allowance is lowered! Nice, huh?! I would like to take greater steps to stay within the daily point allowance WITHOUT being hungry! I am still learning ways of doing that.

Because this is a lifestyle and a long term change, I can see how easy it is to make excuses and to slip back into bad behavior. People tell my not to count my points on vacation or on some special occasion.

But a special occasion doesn’t give me license to go haywire; it offers me opportunity to make good choices.

The question continues to be: WHAT AM I COMMITTED TO? And I am committed to this change!

Keep checking in – hold me accountable!

Change is never easy, especially when it is a BIG, personal transformation.

I am writing a new book on empowering strategies for change and need YOUR HELP! Please email me YOUR personal stories of how you have made great changes in YOUR life.

• What change did you make?
• What did you have to overcome – and how did you do that?
• How did it feel to accomplish the change or achieve your goal?
• Was there any surprises?
• What did you learn – about yourself, about life…?

People whose stories I use in my new book on change will receive a free copy when published!

I look forward to hearing from you. Thank you for your support and encouragement!

Your partner for success,

Coach Julie, RN ~ Nurturing Your Success

PS. Want to take on your OWN personal quest and get into the right mindset? Coaching can help! Schedule a free 30-minute consultation to see how coaching can get you where you want to be in less time and with less effort!

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This is really a quest of health and energy and of being my absolute best.

Maybe it’s because I am healing from a back injury. Maybe it’s because I am getting married in less than two weeks and beginning a new life with my husband to be.

Maybe, and most likely, this is a change that has been in the making for many, many years.

Change comes in stages sometimes. Other times, it comes in big, giant leaps. It all depends upon the change and what we are willing to do to impact that change.

Twenty years ago I began gaining weight slowly. I was just 25 years old when my thyroid slowed down. A lot. With a metabolism like molasses, I gained weight.

Then I got pregnant. And I gained more weight.

After giving birth, I became very ill and was placed on steroids, which, although it saved my life for over a year until my surgery, not only caused me to gain fat cells but it acts like a kind of glue making it incredibly hard to lose weight.

There I was, some 80 pounds more than what I was when the journey began.

When you’re sick, you only care about getting well. But I am no longer sick. I am healthy. Although over the years I have dropped some weight, I have never gone after the original 50 pounds to bring me back to where it started 20 years ago.

It is time. It is time to tackle my body and my health and take ME to a level I have never been before. And I want – I need – some support. Will you support me on my challenge?

It is never easy to embark upon a big change. In fact, there are many things that need to happen in order to follow through and take the necessary actions required for success – especially to sustain that success.

But this has been a long time in preparation. Last year, I started a new exercise regimen using Pilates. I spent time observing my stories, excuses and limiting beliefs. And I am now ready and willing to go the distance. I know I can do this!

Along with my personal quest, I am writing a book on change, mapping out the empowering strategies needed to take on big hairy audacious goals (BHAG). If we know what we can expect, what feelings and obstacles we can anticipate, then we can prepare and be able to jump each hurdle as we meet it.

So please send me your stories about a significant life change you have made – what you did, why, how you did it, how it felt to achieve success, and the obstacles you had to overcome along the way. Cheer me on. Ask me how I am doing. Hold me accountable.

Making this goal public solidifies my commitment to success. Announcing my intentions keeps me focused and engaged in the process. I’m excited and look forward to sharing my journey with you.

I have much to learn. I do not remember what it’s like to be thin. I have to create a new vision for myself and my body. I joined weight watchers as my support and for the education I believe I need in order to learn how to be thin. I only know how to maintain my current weight. I need an education and I do not believe in diets as a long-term alternative to living a healthy lifestyle.

My commitment is to stay on course and to share my trials and what I learn about change (not so much about actually losing weight but what I have to go through in order to succeed) – this will be in addition to my regular blog entries.

I will be compassionate with myself. I realize 50 pounds is a huge goal and may even be unreasonable; I will set other measurables besides weight. The ultimate goal is to be healthy and fit.

Please be MY partner on this journey to success! Perhaps you have a goal you would like to achieve and we can journey it together. Take a deep breath and here we go!

Your partner for success,

Coach Julie, RN ~ Nurturing Your Success

 PS – Send your stories to Julie@NurturingYourSuccess.com or you may comment directly on the blog post below. I look forward to hearing from you!

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Do unto yourself as you would do unto others.

~ The Little E-Book of Wisdom

A couple of months ago, I helped a patient stand up. She had been sitting on the floor. “Let me give you a hand,” I said. She must have interpreted that to mean, “Let me LIFT you” because she stopped helping herself.

The pain in my back was excruciating. I could barely move.

But like most of us brave nurses – women – I kept working. Sure, I reported the injury, but i didn’t seek immediate medical attention, because, well, that would have meant that I would need to be replaced. I would leave the unit short of one nurse – I couldn’t do that to my partner, the other nurse working with me…

Whatever my excuse was that day, after a couple of weeks I could no longer deny the pain in my back and the burning down the back of my thigh. I finally sought medical care and am continuing with treatment today.

I could certainly come up with several rationalizations and reasons why I waited but they would all be excuses…And they would be wrong!

If this same incident happened to anyone else, I would have insisted they get medically evaluated immediately, especially given the shape I was in. And if they refused, I probably would have asked the supervisor to come and evaluate their need for immediate care.

What is the message here? That I care about YOU, but not about me???

Shame on me.

What makes anyone more important than anyone else – including me!? What makes you and your health more important than my own?

And I know better! I wrote the book on honoring yourself.

You are the most important person in your life. Without you, what do you have?

~ The Journey Called YOU

In my case, PAIN. I have pain. And inconvenience.

As health care professionals, we must start treating ourselves with as much love and understanding as anyone else. We need to treat ourselves well so that we can share the best of ourselves with others.

It does no one any good if we are suffering or are in pain.

If it seems like I am angry, I am. But I can forgive myself. We all make mistakes. This is one mistake I won’t make again! And I want for you to learn from my situation to avoid the painful consequences.

I vow to take better care of myself so I have the energy and can give my best efforts – I will put myself first so that I can give all I have to my family and YOU, my clients and my readers.

The world needs us to be our best so that we can share our talents and skills.

What about you? Will you commit to taking better care of yourself – before something bad happens and you have to? What are some simple things you can do – starting today – to improve your health?

Let’s get healthier together! Let me know what you are willing to do and let’s hold each other accountable. Together, let’s learn to practice compassion and empathy on ourselves; after all, we are so good at giving it to others!

Today, identify one thing that bothers you or an area of health that you have neglected (perhaps a doctors appointment or medical test), and choose to do something about it. Your health won’t wait.

Your partner for success,

Coach Julie, RN ~ Nurturing Your Success

PS Share with me your personal challenge via email and I will share with you my personal goal so we can get healthy together!

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I was searching through files in my computer and came across this story – which made me cry. I don’t know who wrote it or if it is even true. I DO know that it will touch your heart, as it did mine.

As you read the story, consider the people in your life. Is there anyone who might be silently suffering that could benefit from a kind word or just someone to take notice and to CARE?

Pay attention to how you treat others. People are diamonds in the rough. LOOK for the beauty. LOOK for ways to appreciate and ACKNOWLEDGE people. TELL them how wonderful they are and that they matter – because they do. We ALL matter.

And we matter to each other.

Enjoy the story. I need a tissue…

Your partner for success,

Coach Julie, RN ~ Nurturing Your Success

~*~

There was a story many years ago of an elementary teacher. Her name was Mrs. Thompson. And as she stood in front of her 5th grade class on the very first day of school, she told the children a lie. Like most teachers, she looked at her students and said that she loved them all the same.

But that was impossible, because there in the front row, slumped in his seat, was a little boy named Teddy Stoddard. Mrs. Thompson had watched Teddy the year before and noticed that he didn’t play well with the other children, that his clothes were messy and that he constantly needed a bath. And Teddy could be unpleasant. It got to the point where Mrs. Thompson would actually take delight in marking his papers with a broad red pen, making bold X’s and then putting a big “F” at the top of his papers.

At the school where Mrs. Thompson taught, she was required to review each child’s past records and she put Teddy’s off until last. However, when she reviewed his file, she was in for a surprise.

Teddy’s first grade teacher wrote, “Teddy is a bright child with a ready laugh. He does his work neatly and has good manners, he is a joy to be around.”

His second grade teacher wrote, “Teddy is an excellent student, well liked by his classmates, but he is troubled because his mother has a terminal illness and life at home must be a struggle.”

His third grade teacher wrote, “His mother’s death has been hard on him. He tries to do his best but his father doesn’t show much interest and his home life will soon affect him if some steps aren’t taken.”

Teddy’s fourth grade teacher wrote, “Teddy is withdrawn and doesn’t show much interest in school. He doesn’t have many friends and sometimes sleeps in class.”

By now, Mrs. Thompson realized the problem and she was ashamed of herself. She felt even worse when her students brought her Christmas presents, wrapped in beautiful ribbons and bright paper, except for Teddy’s.

His present was clumsily wrapped in the heavy, brown paper that he got from a grocery bag. Mrs. Thompson took pains to open it in the middle of the other presents. Some of the children started to laugh when she found a rhinestone bracelet with some of the stones missing, and a bottle that was one quarter full of perfume. But she stifled the children’s laughter when she exclaimed how pretty the bracelet was, putting it on, and dabbing some of the perfume on her wrist.

Teddy Stoddard stayed after school that day just long enough to say, “Mrs. Thompson, today you smelled just like my Mom used to.”

After the children left she cried for at least an hour.

On that very day, she quit teaching reading, and writing, and arithmetic. Instead, she began to teach children.

Mrs. Thompson paid particular attention to Teddy. As she worked with him, his mind seemed to come alive. The more she encouraged him, the faster he responded. By the end of the year, Teddy had become one of the smartest children in the class and, despite her lie that she would love all the children the same, Teddy became one of her “teacher’s pets.”

A year later, she found a note under her door, from Teddy, telling her that she was still the best teacher he ever had in his whole life. Six years went by before she got another note from Teddy. He then wrote that he had finished high school, third in his class, and she was still the best teacher he ever had in his whole life.

Four years after that, she got another letter, saying that while things had been tough at times, he’d stayed in school, had stuck with it, and would soon graduate from college with the highest of honors. He assured Mrs. Thompson that she was still the best and favorite teacher he ever had in his whole life.

Then four more years passed and yet another letter came. This time he explained that after he got his bachelor’s degree, he decided to go a little further. The letter explained that she was still the best and favorite teacher he ever had. But now his name was a little longer –the letter was signed, Theodore F. Stoddard, M.D.

The story doesn’t end there. You see, there was yet another letter that spring. Teddy said he’d met this girl and was going to be married. He explained that his father had died a couple of years ago and he was wondering if Mrs. Thompson might agree to sit in the place at the wedding that was usually reserved for the mother of the groom. Of course, Mrs. Thompson did.

And guess what?

She wore that bracelet, the one with several rhinestones missing. And she made sure she was wearing the perfume that Teddy remembered his mother wearing on their last Christmas together.

They hugged each, and Dr. Stoddard whispered in Mrs. Thompson’s ear, “Thank you Mrs. Thompson for believing in me. Thank you so much for making me feel important and showing me that I could make a difference.”

Mrs. Thompson, with tears in her eyes, whispered back. She said, “Teddy, you have it all wrong. You were the one who taught me that I could make a difference. I didn’t know how to teach until I met you.”

~ Author unknown

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You yourself, as much as anybody in the entire universe deserve your love and affection.

~ Buddha

As my wedding day approaches, I feel myself shifting, changing, embracing and adjusting to the new landscape. So, I took a mental health day.

A day to not think. Not take care of the family, the house, the bills, not meet a friend, no coaching – nothing. To just focus the day on me.

What I learned is that it’s been too long. I was a little uncomfortable and restless. I observed some unconstructive, old thoughts regarding time, money and self-care and I need to continue to develop new, empowering thoughts. I’m a work in progress!

Observing ourselves in action is the first step toward change. You first have to know what you want to change in order to change it!

Too often, we -especially women- focus on everyone else. We are busy. We need to manage everything or it won’t get done. The world will fall apart without us holding things together. God forbid we let go for a minute…

This ‘holding things together’, along with the expectations we have about how we should be, what we should do, fears of not having everything a certain way or fears of what others will think, and the unreasonable standards we operate within, causes tremendous stress.

This impacts our bodies, our spirit, our creativity…our ability to enjoy life.

In fact, it is usually our bodies that cause us to take notice and slow down.

At some point, we can no longer deny the pain, stiffness, discomfort, or lack of function.

Or perhaps it’s the depression, anxiety, paralyzing fear or lack of motivation that brings us into the health care system and that sparks some impetus for change.

Because we feel the need to justify the time, the expense and the need, which is too much work, we don’t take the time OFF that we need to recharge and to really care for ourselves.

I propose a new strategy. I propose that we take the time to C.A.R.E. for ourselves, that we put ourselves and our needs first – others second.

We start with ourselves because it is only by caring for and honoring ourselves that we then have the strength to give to others.

If we make ourselves matter and respect ourselves to the n-th degree, then we are free to truly respect and love others. Respecting ourselves makes life easier and more enjoyable by increasing our confidence and self-esteem, improving the quality of our relationships and increasing our productivity.

Steven Covey in his book The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People uses the term “sharpen the saw” in which he refers to caring for oneself.

How do we begin to C.A.R.E.?

1) Communicate Clearly

Listen to how you speak to yourself all day. What you think about is what you bring about. Choose new, better thoughts that will guide you to take better actions.

It is easy to shield our bodies against poisoned arrows from without but difficult to shield our minds against poisoned darts from within.

~ Buddha

2) Appreciate Yourself

Stop taking yourself for granted! Too often we wait until our bodies fail in someway, or we are too drained – sick and tired – before we do for ourselves the very things we should have been doing all along. Why wait? There is nothing more important than taking care of your own needs. Start today. Be grateful for you – your talents, skills, body, mind…

You are amazing! You are a spiritual being here in this body at this time in order to experience this lifetime. Isn’t that incredible? You have this body for your use. You have hands and feet and muscles to make you move. You have organs and a circulatory system to keep you alive. You have a brain to think, eyes to see, and ears to hear. Every day you awaken, you are given a gift – the gift of life!

~ from The Journey Called YOU and The Little E-Book of Wisdom

3) Respect Differences

Respect that you are different and unique from everyone else. Stop trying to suppress yourself and set yourself free to be you – in all your glory!

Vain attempts to imitate others no longer will I make instead will I place my uniqueness on display in the marketplace. I will proclaim it, yea. I will sell it. I will begin now to accent my difference; hide my similarities.

~ Og Mandino, The Greatest Salesman in the World

4) Employ Empathy

Use all of that compassion you have for others on YOU. Start empathizing with yourself. Recognize how much you do. Celebrate your efforts. Give yourself permission to feel whatever you are feeling, to identify your needs and then honor your needs.

I also propose you schedule your own Mental Health Day where you take the day off from thinking or worrying. Schedule things that take you away from the worries of your daily routine and that help you relax. Let me know how it goes for you and what you learn about yourself.

Your partner for success,

Coach Julie, RN ~ Nurturing Your Success

P.S. Want to review your day with me personally and create a strategy for change? Schedule a free coaching session. It will be the best 30-minutes of your day!

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