Eliminating Overwhelm Part VIII: Delegating and Sharing the Work
When we put too much pressure on ourselves to do the work by ourselves, we can become stressed.
There are several reasons we don’t delegate. You need to identify what stops you from including others so that you can move beyond this limitation and reduce your stress.
- It is part of a perfectionist mindset to want things a certain way. You have an idea of perfection and in order to achieve it, you believe you must do it yourself.
- Delegating would mean that you accept that quality of other people’s work and no one can do it as good as you.
- You have difficulty asking for help. You don’t want to intrude or bother anyone.
- You assume that people should just know what you want; you shouldn’t have to ask.
- You believe that no one else will want to help you. Why bother asking?
When we don’t delegate tasks or let people know we need help, our relationships suffer.
- They think you are okay but inside, you become angry and resentful: angry at them for not seeing you need help; resentful because you have not communicated your needs to them.
- They may distance themselves from you because they feel unwanted and useless. They may feel you don’t trust them to handle the task. People need to feel valued so they will seek value from other sources.
A team is two or more people working together toward a common goal. Teamwork is built upon the notion that everyone has a job to do and is able to carry it out to satisfactory completion. Delegating and assigning tasks with accountability is necessary for teams to work well together whether we’re referring to a department or work unit, or a family or even a spousal relationship.
A leaders’ focus is on people: How things get done and how people are treated using emotional intelligence and empathy engaging their employees and bringing out their best to increase productivity. Managers focus on what gets done and bottom line results. Managers who are not emotionally intelligent, who lead with fear or force, while they may achieve results, are less effective in the long run because people feel mistreated and devalued.
Here are some thoughts to consider when delegating and sharing the work:
1) Don’t assume anything. If someone is not automatically helping out, then approach them with the notion that they don’t know what’s expected of them. Clearly communicate your desires.
This is a huge problem in relationships where one party thinks the other should just “know” what to do. They don’t. If they did, they’d be doing it. Stop wishing they were different and ask for what you need.
2) When you delegate, let go of your attachment to the results. Let go of perfectionistic tendencies. What are you afraid of? If it’s not YOUR way, will it still work out okay? Does it really matter HOW it’s done or THAT it’s done?
A client asked her son to clean his bathroom; then she would go in afterwards to clean up behind him. Imagine what the child felt. Imagine the lesson he learned: that his way (he) was not good enough and that mom will fix it. What was most important to her: that it was cleaned to her satisfaction or that he did the work?
What is of greatest value to you? How do you want other people to feel?
(I wish I could get my son to clean the bathroom…)
3) Look for the good in others. People have an innate need to feel respected. People are wonderful. They have value and are competent and capable…
…Unless they’re not. Evaluate your trust level for the person to whom you are delegating. Are they competent and capable? Sincere? Reliable? Are they the best person for the job? Use your intuition and your experience to determine if the person can, in fact, be trusted to follow through with the deliverable.
4) Let go of your need to be the martyr – or the victim (“look how hard I have it”). Let go of your stubborn thoughts. Question your resistance. What are you afraid of? Be open to new possibilities.
Someone may even have better ideas for accomplishing a task – things you may never have considered. You can learn a lot from others!
5) Delegate with accountability. In other words, when you share the work or hand it off to someone, they accept responsibility for its completion.
Create a feedback loop so you can trust that it will be done and you’ll know when it’s complete. This way, you can let go of the worry around the task.
6) Handle mistakes with grace. If something is done incorrectly, address it -give instructions and let them make adjustments.
Mistakes are opportunities to learn what we didn’t know we didn’t know.
When someone does something well, give feedback and acknowledge it. Celebrate the success! And applaud the person’s efforts.
Value people above results. Don’t take yourself or “things” so seriously. We all do the best we can. And we strive to improve every day. Go easy on yourself and let other people support you. It’s the only way we can achieve real success in life, work, and our relationships.
Your partner for success,
Coach Julie ~ Nurturing YOUR Success
