Eliminating Overwhelm Part XV: Remain Confident by Keeping Your Mind Engaged and Your Emotions in Check

My client, I’ll call her Brenda, is looking for work. She would also really like to meet a man.

Recently, she was interviewing for a position in San Francisco which means relocating. As she was contemplating, dreaming about all of the things needed to be done as well as what it would mean to take this new position, she became overwhelmed with all of the details. So much so that she was having difficulty sleeping.

Similar to dating, job hunting follows the same stages –

• Identify your qualifications (what do you have to offer) and decide what you want in your job (or mate).
• Look for work (a date).
• Connect by phone to see if there is mutual interest to pursue things further.
• Meet for the interview (or date).
• Continue to meet and discuss your interests.
• And then there is either an offer or not (or the next date or not).

Both dating and job hunting bring about the same internal reactions – the same thoughts, the same emotional highs and lows, fears and self-doubts, excitement and disappointments.

Consider what thoughts go through your mind?

• Will they like me?
• Can I do this?
• Do I fit into the culture?
• They’ll never hire me. He/she will never like me.
• I’m not good enough or smart enough.
• I am perfect for the job. (This guy/gal is perfect for me.) It’s exactly what I want.
• They should hire me.
• I should get this job.

Most of these thoughts are appropriate. Some are self doubts and could be self-sabotaging if we entertain them enough. We should be considering whether we want and are able to work for this company and fit in the work environment. It’s not the thoughts per se, but rather two things that get in our way:

1) We become attached to the outcome – getting the job or having this man/woman be THE ONE

2) We allow our emotions and desires to take over creating an internal rollercoaster that builds up our excitement and anticipation

And then we are devastated when things don’t work out the way we expected them to.

When you allow your thoughts to run amuck, your mind runs wild and your emotions take over. When emotions take over, your mind gets left behind.

In the end, Brenda did not take the job. And she was crushed. It was a huge loss to her. Why? Because she had built a castle in the sky and then, she moved in.

While a function of our mind is to fantasize and envision what we want, it is important that we learn to use this skill wisely.

During the job search, you envision yourself playing out this new position and how it might work. This is good. With a new date, you might do the same thing – envisioning yourself doing things with this person and building a life with him/her.

But resist the temptation to become attached to these thoughts becoming real. They are, right now, only thoughts, a vision, a dream. Keep your head clear by not becoming emotionally attached to this being THE ONE (job or mate). It may be. But right now in this moment, it is not.

Mental rehearsal, dreaming, or fantasizing is a skill that you can use to see yourself in different places doing different things. The mind is a wonderful tool! But if you allow your emotions too much slack, they will take you for quite a ride, a ride that you will then have to recover from.

Brenda is now mourning the loss of this job opportunity. It was, as if, in her mind she already had the job. The loss, then, is the loss of her fantasy, of this job being THE ONE. The castle in the sky had crumbled.

And so is the way it goes. She will be fine.

Learn to manage your thoughts and keep your emotions in check so they do not manage you. If you want to learn how, take the 6 Advisors Assessment and contact me for a free consultation. You CAN learn to master your mind.

Your partner for success,

Coach Julie ~ Nurturing Your Success