Eliminating Overwhelm Part XIV: Focus on Pleasing YOU

Do you tend to do things to please others even though doing so does not please you?

Do you tend to forgive, make excuses, rationalize or minimize the behaviors of others even though they hurt you?

Do you tend to put the needs of others before yourself only to become resentful and bitter?

When you put others first at your own expense, you hurt yourself in the process. When you put the needs of others before yourself, you diminish YOU and tell your Inner Self that this other person matters more than you.

This impacts your self-esteem. Do this every day in a myriad of ways, and your self-esteem takes quite a beating.

When you focus more on pleasing others, resentment builds. You can become angry. And this impacts the relationship.

Self-Esteem Coaching Tip: Stop minimizing, making excuses, and rationalizing other people’s behavior. Sensitize yourself to what does not feel good. The first step is to increase your awareness of how you feel when other people do the things they do. When you know something doesn’t feel right, then you can communicate this to the other person.

When you minimize the behavior of others, when you make excuses for hurtful acts, you accept the behavior.  By not saying anything to the other person, your silence gives them permission to do it again.

They don’t learn that you are hurting, that what they do is upsetting, and that they should not do it again to anyone. By letting them off the hook so easily, you do not teach them the lesson they need to learn about how to treat people – and how to treat you.

You teach others how you want to be treated.

~ The Journey Called YOU: A Roadmap to Self-Discovery and Acceptance

You cannot assume that people know how to act; you may think they should know but if they did, they would act accordingly.

Coaching Tip: Speak up! Tell the person that what they are doing is bothering you. Ask them to stop. Silence is not an option if you want to be treated differently and if you want to help that person to become better and improve themselves. Remember, they don’t know that what they are doing is bothersome. You can help them by sharing your feelings.

After all, are you really pleasing others if you are not pleased yourself?

What causes you to hesitate? Why is speaking up so difficult?

You may have difficulty speaking up because ~

• You are more concerned about being liked than being respected.
• You fear conflict and confrontation more than telling the truth.
• You don’t want to hurt someone’s feelings.
• You think “who am I to say anything? I shouldn’t rock the boat or make waves.” You don’t feel you have the right to speak up.

Whatever your reason for not speaking up, know that the only person you answer to in this lifetime is YOU. At the end of your life, when you know you have only moments left, who must you answer to? You alone must be happy with the life you have lived.

So focus on pleasing yourself. It feels good to give to others, to help others. But when your giving extends beyond what feels good for you, then you must learn to please yourself first. You will find that when you focus on feeling good and pleasing YOU, your actions please others too.

Your partner for success,

Coach Julie ~ Nurturing YOUR Success