From Fear to Confidence

“I got a new boss. With the layoffs and downsizing, my boss gave up my area to a new director. My head is swimming with thoughts about how she will treat me, what she will expect. I’m scared that she will find a way to get rid of me. I’m just so scared of what might happen with this new change.”

All of us can relate to feelings of fear especially when they are born from thoughts about change that is out of our control.

This fear is created in your mind from thoughts that craft the worst case scenarios. Your imaginary center goes wild constructing dramatic stories about a potential – and often negative – outcome. There is no fact to the story. It’s a fantasy. In choosing to give this thought process your attention, fear erupts within you as you anticipate this outcome becoming your future reality. Then you experience the “fight or flight” phenomenon and this physiological reaction makes it feel so real.

But it’s not real. It’s a story concocted in your mind. Your mind is playing tricks on you again.

Stop. Step back from your thoughts and look at the facts. What do you know and what is unknown. You can succumb to the fantasy created by your untamed mind. OR you can decide to embrace reality and take control by making good choices about what you would like to see happen and who you’d like to become in the process.

In the case with my coaching client above, he has no idea what this new boss wants or how she feels about being shuffled into this new position. His first step is to be curious about the new boss and to learn what she needs from the manager in order to be successful in her new post. Yes, your job is to help your boss be successful.

And he can ask for what he wants and needs from his new boss.

By being proactive, my coaching client can set expectations for his new boss as he describes the department and how things work.

Awareness of the emotional reaction and the thoughts causing it is crucial for gaining control. Once you are aware, then you can take a step back and ask how you’d like things to be moving forward. You can craft a new story that focuses on success, and you can identify the role or part you will play in making it reality. For this manager, what qualities would he like to display as he mentors and ‘breaks in’ his new boss? He can demonstrate these qualities only if he comes from a place of self-confidence and not from fear. Fear takes away our courage, forcing us to shrink, be less effective and less productive as we waste time in worry-land. Fear does not bring out our best qualities. The manager can concoct a new story, one that has them working well together, one where my client is recognized for the value he brings to the workplace.

Now isn’t that a better story? And it’s exciting and motivating too.

We create our own realities by how we think and the stories we tell ourselves. Take heed: even a good story with a happy ending is still just a story. Ground yourself in reality and focus on what you want, not what you fear.

Til next time, think good thoughts.

Warmly,

Coach Julie