How Cynical Are You?
Do you look for what is positive or negative? Do you expect negative outcomes?
Notice the little comments you make throughout the course of your day. These little comments perpetuate the unhappiness and pain you experience each day.
Cynicism is a form of anger. It represents a general mistrust of the motives of others.
With cynicism, you take a piece of information, perhaps an experience, and extrapolate it to apply for everyone at all times. It does not allow for an objective look at the situation at hand.
You know cynicism when you hear it because it usually ‘lands’ poorly. What I mean is that, it has an emotional impact when the words are spoken. Language really matters. Whatever you say will impact the other person and, it impacts you as well. It reinforces your beliefs and how you think about the issue or situation.
I am getting married in a few months. Here are a couple of comments people made to me:
- “It’s nice to hear someone wants to get married.”
- “Oh, so there are some good men out there?”
Cynicism speaks volumes about where you are in your life. We can interpret these two comments coming from women who have been hurt in the past and still carry around their pain and anger.
What a shame. They are missing out on creating new loving relationships.
At work, cynicism abounds.
- “That will never work. We’ve tried.”
Cynics often feel belittled, alienated, underappreciated, and overwhelmed.
But what do you expect if your thoughts are negative? Every time you make a negative comment, you reinforce your negative thoughts and your view of the world, supporting and strengthening your expectation that everything is negative, bad, painful, or difficult. If that is what you believe, how can it be anything different?
If you believe that there are no good men (or women) out there, then you will look for – and find – men that fit what you already believe. And you will, of course, tell yourself, “See, you are right!”
You see what you want to see so be careful what you look for.
How do you reform your cynical ways?
1) Notice where you are cynical. Observe your emotions when your comments or thoughts feel bad. Notice when you make others uncomfortable and listen to others when they tell you about your negativity.
2) Be open to allow for other possibilities. Although you may have pain from your past that does not mean that you will always experience pain or difficulty. Isn’t it possible that you could have a different experience?
3) Shift away from your limiting belief. How do you do that? Once you notice yourself stating some negative fact: management is always giving us these projects that never help us but only add to our workload. The “never” is your clue that it’s a limiting belief. Simply add the word “yet” to the end of your sentence.
- “I have yet to meet a man (woman) that I would want to marry.”
- “Management has YET to give us a project that makes our workload easier.”
4) Look for what is good and what is working well. Get accustomed – get comfortable – with seeing the good and experiencing what is good. Cynicism is a habit. Break the habit by replacing it with something else.
Look for what is good and wonderful and promising. Be open to the possibilities. People really do try to do their best. Management is doing their best. When you look for the good, you start to see possibilities that you never dreamed of and you begin to create new realities.
Most importantly, you start to enjoy some happiness – at work and in your relationships.
Your partner for success,
Coach Julie ~ Nurturing Your Success
