How Well Do You Receive Appreciation and Praise?

Are you someone who likes to give compliments?

Do you find that people receive your compliments and acknowledgements well or do they tend to brush them off?

How does it feel when people do not accept your comments?

How well do YOU receive compliments?

Many of us are givers – we like doing things for other people. We like to see them happy. We do things to please others and if they ask for help, we enjoy being needed and being able to support them.

However, it is often VERY DIFFICULT for us to HEAR statements of appreciation or praise.

So, while we do all of these wonderful things for people, we often won’t receive the acknowledgement. We have a WALL that does not allow the good stuff to enter.

This can lead us to believe they are ungrateful. We feel resentful and angry. We feel like we are being taken for granted. At work, we feel undervalued and unappreciated. And our relationships (and our self-esteem) suffer.

We don’t get enough praise and appreciation.

Although an essential skill for creating amazing relationships at home and at work, not everyone is good at acknowledging others and giving compliments. Many people have difficulty praising and showing appreciation. There are several reasons why this occurs some of which include:

• Fear for one reason or another (it’s soft stuff)
• They don’t notice the good stuff or don’t think it’s important. They dismiss it.
• They may not know how to say it or think it’s weird to say something good.

We don’t RECEIVE the praise and appreciation.

While giving compliments and showing appreciation to others is crucial, it is just as essential that you bring down your WALL so you can RECEIVE the praise from others. In this way, you allow yourself to be loved, approved of, and accepted.

We all seek approval, yet with our walls, we won’t let the love in. Behind the wall lie our doubts, shame, and fears. We constantly question ourselves.

To grow and evolve requires feedback from others. We are blind to our own stuff. We NEED relationships to learn about ourselves and to become more of what is possible for us to become.

This feedback is a gift and when we don’t accept the gift, everyone loses.

For instance, when you refuse to accept an acknowledgement, it’s as if you are telling the other person they are wrong. Think of the last time you complimented someone for a job well done and they said, “Eh, it was no big deal.” How did that feel for YOU? Here you are giving this person a gift and they threw it away! It feels bad.

And next time, are you less likely or more likely to acknowledge the person?

See, when we won’t let the good stuff in, we stay stuck behind our WALL and it creates distance between us in our relationship. It’s safe behind our wall; it’s a WALL OF PROTECTION, after all.

But the love, approval, and acceptance we crave more than anything else can’t get in either.

Here are FOUR STEPS to bringing down your wall and letting love in:

1)      Recognize your wall when it shows up. Awareness is power!

2)      Give the other person permission to have their thoughts and feelings about you. It’s THEIR perception. It’s not right or wrong.

3)      Use empathy and ask questions to get them to tell you more about their experience. Gain a more accurate understanding of what they are thinking, feeling, or experiencing. “What about me or my work helped you?” This is vital information for you! It is a GIFT to receive feedback so that we can do more of what feels good, less of what feels bad and BECOME THE KIND OF PEOPLE YOU WANT TO BECOME.

4)      Take your gift. Accept it. Be curious about it. Enjoy it. (You might even try to believe it too.)

Learning to receive compliments is essential for creating relationships that work well – where we can enjoy the best of each other. If you tell me what you like about me and provide me with praise for what I do well – and I RECEIVE your praise – then I am likely to do more of it!

Enjoy a 30-minute coaching session with me. Send at email to Julie@NurturingYourSuccess.com to schedule a time this week.

Your partner for success,

Coach Julie ~ Nurturing Your Success