How often during your day do you think of yourself when speaking with others?

It might sound like this:

“I wouldn’t have thought of that.
“Would I do something like that?
“What would I do…?
“I can do better than that.
“How would I handle that?”

It’s all about YOU YOU YOU.

Throughout your day, you evaluate YOU against the actions of others – how they handle situations, how they respond to things, even how they look.

There are two problems:

1) You are distracted. Instead of being fully present to the other person, able to listen fully and respond appropriately, you are thinking about YOU. This means, you’ll likely shift the conversation to YOU.

2) You are judging yourself against the actions of others, looking for approval, acceptance and reassurance.

This is inherent in our nature as humans. In and of itself is not a bad thing; in fact, it can be quite helpful to see things from a certain perspective. For example, when you hear you received 75% on a test you may be upset you did not score higher. If you then discovered that the rest of the class scored lower, it feels quite different.

The problem is that often you compare someone else’s best (their strengths) with your worst (weaknesses) and then judge yourself harshly.

Or you see what other people have and you covet, wanting what they have.

“Comparing” is a function of your self-esteem, questioning YOU and who you are, how you behave, how good you are… etc. Coming from a place that you are not enough, you ‘compare’ to judge yourself against what others do or say to determine whether you are ‘okay’.

It feels bad ~

FOR OTHERS:

• They feel it when you compare yourself to them – even in your own mind.
• They may have thoughts about how they measure up in relation to you, which starts a sort of “competition”.
• They also may feel that you are more concerned about you than you are of them.
• They FEEL it when you do not have the space to hear them out because you are too busy thinking about yourself and questioning your own shortcomings.
• They feel disrespected if you cannot give them the space or time they need in the moment.

FOR YOU:

• Because you are always evaluating yourself and how you should be based on how others are, the criterion are always changing and you can never live up. You never win. There will always be greater and lesser persons than yourself.
• You may find you berate yourself for not being good enough; or you may put the other person down.

None of this is productive – not for effectively presenting yourself as a leader or for bringing out the best in others.

The only time comparison is good is when used for deciding what you would like to improve in yourself.

Here are three strategies for effective change:
1) NOTICE your thoughts. Awareness is where your power lies. Once you observe these thoughts, you can choose new ones. Stop yourself from comparing and, instead
2) Focus on the other person and what they need in this moment. What is going on for this person? Be curious and ask questions that help to clarify things.
3) Compare yourself with yourself. Consider where you were and how you handled yourself five years ago. Last year. Last month. You are different. You are better! Acknowledge your accomplishments, strengths and skills. Start observing all of the ways you have improved and how you excel.

Reveling in your strengths, acknowledging all you do, counting your blessings and being grateful for your ability to contribute to society shifts your thoughts from neediness and lack to abundance and plenty.

You are enough. You are one of a kind. There is NO comparison.

Have fun being you today!

Your partner for success,
Coach Julie ~ Nurturing Your Success

P.S. Join us for our upcoming CREATING AMAZING RELATIONSHIPS teleclass series – the 7 Keys to Success!