Powerful Communication: How Well Do You Listen?

• Do you interrupt?
• Do you formulate a reply while the person is still speaking?
• Do you finish the person’s sentence for them?
• Are you busy doing something else while someone is speaking to you?
• Are you fully present or are you thinking about what’s for lunch or the tasks on your to-do list?
• Are you focused on having an answer and solving their problem?
• Do you tend to shift the conversation to yourself and your own problems?

If you answered ‘yes’ to any (or all) of these, you are not alone. Many people are not very good listeners. You are busy ‘getting stuff done’. You are multi-tasking.

Perhaps you are impatient and want the person to get to the point, so you tend to interrupt and finish the person’s sentence as soon as you anticipate what they are trying to say.

Sometimes, you have so much on your mind and so overwhelmed that there’s no space to listen.

Some people are so full of self-doubt, fear and pain that you may have no room to listen to someone else’s pain. Your thoughts are so busy questioning YOU and thinking about YOU and worried about what others think of YOU that there isn’t a lot of space to be able to listen to another. You are more likely to listen for ways to relate and then shift the conversation to yourself and your own experience leaving the other person wanting.

Then there are those people who are professional problem-solvers, especially people in certain professions – healthcare, for instance. These people are trained to listen with the intention of coming up with an answer.

Men often do this with women, which can be a source of contention at work and in our relationships. You may do this with the intention of being helpful.

Other people listen to solve the problem because you have a need to look good or to feel important.

Solving the problem FOR the person might not be what they had in mind or what they need from you.

The KEY to respect – the foundation of all relationships – is to feel HEARD. People want more than anything to feel valued and accepted. We all have this innate need to feel validated.

Listening – where the other person feels “gotten” – is a gift. And we each crave to be understood and acknowledged.

Here are three steps to focus on this week and to discover about yourself. You might want to keep a journal and write down your discoveries each evening.

1) Notice how you behave when in conversation. Notice what you are doing. Do you pay attention or multitask? Notice what you are thinking. What is going on for you as you listen? Is this the same for everyone you speak with or just some people?

2) Notice how other people listen. Do you feel “gotten”? With whom? What are they doing when you feel validated?

3) Notice how often you say the words “Me, Myself, I” in your communications – conversations and emails. Look for the content of your conversations; are they mostly about you or others?

Let me know what you come up with. Leave your comments below.

Your partner for success,

Coach Julie ~ Nurturing Your Success