Strategies for Handling Your Emotions after a Layoff

Finding yourself out of work produces many emotions. If this was unexpected, as often it is, shock will come first. It’s always difficult when change is thrust upon you rather than initiating the change yourself.

As with any transition, you can expect a range of emotions to appear. You’ll be angry. You will attempt at bargaining: “Why did this have to happen? Why me? If only…” You’ll be scared and sad and overwhelmed at the task ahead. It’s all normal.

Learning to ride the wave of emotions is an important part of your growth and development. People around you may not be good at assisting you through the emotional rollercoaster so let’s discuss some of the emotions you can expect to experience initially as you embrace your new reality.

1) You will mourn your losses – the loss of your job, your stability, your security, perhaps your self-worth or identity, your colleagues, your daily routine…

Mourning includes the five stages of grief: denial, bargaining, anger, depression and acceptance. These stages can be experienced all at once or one at a time. You can go through one stage and find yourself back there again. There is no right or wrong way to mourn.

Some people are thrilled when they are let go. When you are unhappy at work, that push to go seems like an unexpected gift from the universe. You may feel like you should have had the courage to act on your own behalf sooner, “Why did I stay here so long? I should have left long ago.”

You will still experience loss. There is still a huge transition to make from the way things were to what is yet to be. And there are people who are left behind who are mourning the loss of you.

2) You will feel the loss of your identity which can leave a gaping hole in your self-esteem. You feel empty, like a part of you has been stripped away. It’s very unsettling. 

In our society, we attach our self-worth to what we do rather than who we are. Without work, we feel unproductive and, therefore, we believe we have no value. This is a perception; a thought or idea. It’s not truth. You are SO MUCH MORE than your work and you will need to reexamine and reconnect with your value.

You play different roles in your life. You matter in many ways just by existing, just by your presence in this world. You may need to acknowledge your worth outside your job. Reconnecting with friends, family and loved ones can help during this time. You can observe how other people value you and learn the impact you make in their lives.

We give too much power to our jobs. You are magnificent, even when you are not working.

3) You may feel embarrassed. People generally don’t like to be out of work, especially to be let go. You might start to think that you had something to do with it. You are looking for answers, for reasons for why this happened. There is a story you tell yourself about how this happened “to me.”

It’s not personal. Layoffs are about the company. It’s business. It’s not about you even though it impacts you. Stop looking for “why” and focus on what you will do next.

4) You will feel fear. It is scary to be out of work for any period of time. Friends and family have fears too, often projecting their fears of being out of work onto you so beware not to take on the emotions or fears of others. Even if you are glad you’re gone, fear will be ever-present as you begin your search for a new position. Going through the actual job hunt is a lot of work. It can be a full time job by itself. It’s not easy and it can take a long time. You might fear how you’ll get by financially.

Coaching Tip: Learn to ride the wave. As the emotion comes up, allow it. Feel it. Acknowledge it. Journal about it. Talk about it. And then let it go. By respecting your emotions without becoming overwhelmed by them, you remain in control and easily move beyond them. As with all emotions, once they are honored, their energy dissipates. It’s only when we stuff them or avoid them that they cause us distress.

The quicker you come to accept your new reality – letting go of what was, embracing what is, and opening up to what is to come – the easier it will be for you step into the next phase of your journey and take the necessary goal-directed actions for the next stage of your life.

Having been laid off three times in my career, each time was an opportunity to get to know myself, to examine my passions, and to move my life in a new and better direction. As scary as things seem, this too shall pass. You will get through. You are brave. You are strong. Focus your energy on creating the vision for your new job using the Job By Design Worksheet and muster the courage to act.

Remember too, that rarely in our lifetime do we experience time off before retirement. So take some time to connect with what matters most to you and enjoy the time off. Before you know it, you’ll be busy again and you’ll be wishing for a vacation…

Your partner for success,

Coach Julie ~ Nurturing YOUR Success

Contact me to schedule a free coaching session. I am happy to provide you with some support during this difficult time.