Valuing the Roles You Play

Recently, you were asked to consider: “What do you stand for?” Well, in each of your roles, you may stand for something a little different. Have you ever stopped to consider HOW you want to play the role and what impact you want to make in each of your roles?

1)      Make a List.

Make a list of the roles you play in life – parent, spouse, sibling, homeowner/renter, borrower, employee, neighbor, friend, housekeeper, citizen, breadwinner, etc. You also have a role in maintaining your health and fitness as well as your finances and cooking for your family. What other roles do you play?

Look at your list; consider how you WANT to be known in each role.

• What are the qualities or characteristics you want to espouse in those roles?
• What’s important to you?
• What do you value?
• How do you want to FEEL in each of these roles?

This disconnect between what you THINK is important and how you behave is where you become very stressed. Juggling your roles and the expectations you have for delivering perfectly in each role creates stress and unhappiness.

…Especially when you have not stopped to consider what you value – what’s important to you as you play each role!

By constantly thinking you should be somewhere else doing something else and beating yourself up for not being a better parent or child to your parents or neighbor, you are not present for what you are doing. You cannot possibly be happy in the moment.

Your goal is to be at choice with how you spend your time and be fully present for it. THIS is how we find happiness and peace and self-acceptance…

For example, I spent many years thinking about my health and fitness but not doing very much. My story of having overcome an illness was guiding my behavior because it was louder and more powerful than any of the other thoughts I had about health. I also had occasional flare ups, which reinforced my feelings of powerlessness. I “reacted” when I would get sick and thought that I was a passenger, powerless to do anything to change my situation.

Until I decided I no longer liked playing this role. It no longer served me. I had better reasons to be healthy and was tired of being sick and at the mercy of these attacks.

What IS the role I want to play in my health and fitness? I want to retake my power and I BELIEVE I can find ways to empower myself and be healthy. I can be proactive in how I spend time and decrease the likelihood of being ill in the future.

2)      Define the Role.

• How important is this role in your life?
• What does it mean to you?
• How much energy and time are you willing to focus on each role?

By knowing this, it will be easier to make choices about how to spend your time.

Do you stay late at work or do you go home to cook for your family? Do you get up with the alarm and work out or do you sleep a few more minutes? Do you take a walk or play a game with your daughter or do you watch TV?

There are no right or wrong answers, so please don’t judge yourself. And an answer you give today may be different tomorrow when circumstances change. But, the question is, “Who’s in charge: YOU or are you at the mercy of your thoughts and your stories?”

For example, if my health and fitness is now a priority, then I need to move it up on the list in terms of importance. In other words, it comes first, not last and I get up with the alarm.

3)      Take Action Steps.

In order to create change you must eliminate what doesn’t fit to create space and then add what does. Take baby steps –

• What one thing can you do today to either eliminate or add something to your life that would be of value to you?

Take the time to consider the roles you play and what is important to you in each of your roles. Evaluate whether you are living up to your own ideals and then, take steps to change. By doing so, you become empowered, become more productive,  and you’ll be happier than you dreamed possible.

Your partner for success,

Coach Julie, RN ~ Nurturing Your Success