Want to Build Trust in Your Relationships? Start with Yourself
The foundation for trust in our relationships is respect. And the most important relationship you have is with yourself. So, that begs the question:
Do you respect yourself?
Do you trust yourself?
Ok, so there were two questions.
To build trust, it starts at home – with you!
Many people find it very challenging to trust themselves, consistently breaking promises. You say you want to do something – be on time, lose weight, etc. – but consistently, you don’t follow through and you don’t get the results you want. It becomes a vicious cycle.
If you don’t trust yourself, how can you expect others to trust you?
Trust begins with respect. Take baby steps to respect the wonderful, amazing person that you are. Learn ways to honor yourself by extending your boundaries, eliminating the junk you put up with in your life, and learning to ask directly for what you need.
It’s important that you focus on little steps you can take each day to honor yourself because you have been habituated for so long to behave the way you do that it will take some getting used to in order to change your course.
Strategies to develop self-trust include:
1) Be dependable. Honor your word and do everything you say you will do. This means, you take your commitments seriously – especially the ones you make to yourself! This may mean you do less and only take on the commitments you know you will and can follow through with. So, if you say you will lose 20 pounds or go for a promotion, then do something about it OR don’t say it!
It is acceptable and responsible to drop a goal if you are not able to commit to doing whatever it takes to follow through. If now is not a good time for you to diet or change jobs – for whatever reason – then stop “shoulding” yourself.
2) Be honest – especially with yourself. Tell the truth and people will experience your integrity. Stop living in denial, making excuses, blaming others or complaining.
We live by the stories we tell ourselves and others every day about how we live, our choices, why things are the way they are – we rationalize and make excuses. And, because we have been living these stories for so long, they FEEL like truth, when, in fact, they are creations in our minds. And they become self-fulfilling prophesies. In other words, they become truth because we think about it, talk about it, and act as if it is true.
Tell a new story. Seek a new truth and you can chart a new path.
YOU have created the life you are living right now. It’s YOUR life; and if you want something different, then YOU need to DO something different. This is where a coach can help.
3) Treat everyone with the utmost respect – including YOU. You are a child of the universe – no less than the trees and the stars – and deserve and need your love and consideration.
If you honor the human being in front of you then you will build bridges that extend beyond the wall of fear suspicion that people build for their protection. Respect that people are different with different ideas and perspectives and truths. When you eliminate judgments, people feel more comfortable. They learn to feel that they can be themselves when they are with you and they become willing to bring down their wall. (When you stop judging yourself, you feel more alive and liberated as well.)
It is behind this wall that trust can begin to take root.
Learn to trust yourself and you will learn to trust others. When you trust that you can make good decisions, that you honor yourself and are good to YOU, then you will be able to trust your inner voice when it warns you of inappropriate requests from others.
If you cannot trust yourself to make good decisions, however, you will be less likely to trust others and more likely to trust the wrong people with the wrong things creating drama, chaos, and problems.
If you don’t trust yourself, you are more likely to blame others and to fear that they are not trustworthy when, in fact, it is YOU who you cannot trust.
Coaching Challenge: What one step can you take today to begin to develop self-trust? Leave your comments below.
Your partner for success,
Coach Julie, RN ~ Nurturing Your Success
P.S. Want to increase your self-trust? Schedule your free 30-minute coaching session to learn how coaching can support your success.
