What’s Your Excuse?

As humans, we rationalize and justify. Our brains look for ways to make sense of the information we receive. But are you making excuses for your choices rather than accepting responsibility for them?

Do you find yourself explaining away why you do the things you do? As a psychiatric health care professional, I often hear people analyzing and explaining their behaviors, seeking some kind of validation.

We will make all sorts of excuses and justifications, we rationalize and defend, and we apologize and explain.

Sometimes, we make excuses and defend ourselves out of guilt. We feel badly about something and try to make ourselves feel better. In this way, we avoid admitting the mistake or accepting responsibility for our behavior.

Another reason for excuses is to avoid doing what we know we need to do for ourselves. “I should go to the gym but I’m just so busy.” And the explanations often pile up – if we listen, we will hear ourselves give numerous excuses as to why life just isn’t the way it ‘should’ be.

Other times we make excuses because that’s what we always do and we may not realize we do it. It’s habit.

The key is to NOTICE when you are making excuses, justifying your behavior, defending yourself or rationalizing something.

Notice, and then ask yourself what is REALLY going on for you.

• Are you feeling guilty? Is this real guilt because you made a mistake or is it an old reaction from childhood?
• Is there something that you need to correct or get into integrity about, hard as it may be to face?
• Do you simply need to give yourself permission to make this choice? For instance, after being in debt for so long, Joan still feels guilty when she goes to purchase something for herself even though she has the cash (no charges) and it is an appropriate way to spend her money. Although she made bad choices in the past, she must learn to trust herself TODAY to make good decisions about money.
• Do you need to stop ‘shoulding’ yourself, reevaluate your priorities and set better goals? i.e. instead of complaining that you don’t have time to go to the gym, accept responsibility for your health. In reality, you do what you perceive is of greatest value. So if you don’t bother to work out, it’s not because you don’t have time, it’s because you don’t MAKE the time. Instead, decide what role you want fitness to play in your life and set a realistic goal for that. You will have to want it more than your excuse.
• What is making you feel the need to defend or explain yourself? Defensiveness is a sign of a fragile or hurting self-esteem seeking value and validation. As a mature, responsible adult, there is little you will do that requires defending. You accept that you can make good choices on your own behalf – and if you can’t, then it is your responsibility to learn the skills you need to make better decisions and build trust in yourself.

If someone asks you to explain, then you might inquire of them what they need, how they feel or what information they believe they are missing. This helps clarify exactly what the problem is which saves time and makes the communication more effective.

1. Notice throughout your day the excuses you make and the explanations you have for the things you do or don’t do.

2. Accept responsibility for your actions and STOP making excuses.

3. If you want to do something different, then check in on your priorities and set a different goal.

It is a much happier, more peaceful, and more powerful place to be when you stop rationalizing your behavior and start accepting responsibility for it instead. 

Your partner for success,

Coach Julie, RN ~ Nurturing Your Success

P.S. Tired of hearing yourself make excuses? Schedule your free 30-minute coaching strategy session with me. It will be the best 30 minutes of your day!