Who Do You Need to Be to Create Your Amazing Relationship?

You are envisioning your AMAZING RELATIONSHIP. You know what your foundation is – what you both value most – whether it’s honesty or respect, it stabilizes your relationship. You have been thinking about and writing down the qualities of your ideal partner.

NOW it’s time to consider who you need to be in this relationship and what this partner will be looking for in you.

What qualities and characteristics will YOU need to have in order to participate in this AMAZING RELATIONSHIP?

This will also be a list of qualities. Who do you want to be at your best? What are the standards that you want your partner to hold you to?

In their book, Attracting Perfect Clients, the authors language this section nicely. They ask:

What are the qualities and characteristics that YOU WANT your ideal partner to EXPECT of you?

In other words, the expectations for your best are YOURS – not theirs – however, you want this person - your partner - to expect your best and hold you to that high standard. It’s about what YOU want for yourself. If this is a good partner for you, then s/he will want the best for you and will hold you to that.

Many of the things on your partner’s list will be the same or similar on your list. If you want him to be financially independent, how might you need to be? What might he be looking for in a partner in the area of finances? He may also want you to be independent. Although, it might not matter to him if you are wealthy; he may only care that you are responsible with money.

What do YOU want for yourself? What are you striving for?

List things that you know are good for you to do for yourself. S/He will expect you to take care of yourself.

Add things to your list that will make for a healthy, adult relationship.

If you want a healthy sexual relationship, then how will you need to behave in the relationship? Put those qualities on your list.

Consider your vision for this AMAZING RELATIONSHIP, what are you doing? How do you behave? What are some of the things you value? How do you address issues, conflicts, feelings, and problems? 

Think about your foundation, if, for example, you say “respect” sets the foundation, then what does that mean YOU need to do or be in order to create that as the core? Things you might list are empathy, good listener, handle problems and issues with communication (no yelling!), and talk about our feelings when things arise.

So what does that mean for you if you both will talk about your feelings as things come up?

This will take some time to travel into your vision to see YOU and how YOU will be behaving – your actions, your feelings, how you communicate, how you deal with problems, how you play together, how you work together, and how you parent together (if kids are involved).

Now is the time to dream about YOU – who YOU WANT TO BE. In this AMAZING RELATIONSHIP, you will learn to express yourself in ways that no other relationship allows you to do. You can experience intimacy at very deep levels – but YOU need to be willing and able to go there. What does that mean for YOU?

You will need confidence, good self-esteem, letting go of fear, willingness to open up to another human being without being swallowed up and losing yourself. You need to be YOU and be comfortable with yourself – letting go of trying to impress or pretend.

You will need to GET REAL with yourself so you can BE YOURSELF with your partner. The facade needs to come off in order to create and AMAZING AND HEALTHY RELATIONSHIP.

Review your list often and add to it as new things come to your attention.

Look for the last installment in this series. And please share your comments below.

Your partner for success,

Coach Julie ~ Nurturing Your Success