When You Don’t Honor Yourself, It Hurts
Sue felt the tug in her body telling her that this wasn’t right but she ignored it – for years. And now, she is paying the price.
When we discussed the issue, which happened to be about her teeth, Sue realized several times in her life listening to the advice of so-called “experts” and feeling this tug that told her something wasn’t right, but she ignored her inner voice because, “Well, they were the experts so they knew better than me.”
Expert could mean dentist, doctor, hairstylist, therapist, financial advisor, and coach – anyone in a particular position or having a title or credential.
For Sue, the reason she ignored her inner voice was because she overvalued the credentials of others and undervalued the small voice within her. Sue was blinded by her desire to be a good girl. She put her dentist on a pedestal and diminished herself in her mind. And for this, she pays a price. (Luckily, she won’t lose her teeth but she requires extensive surgery on her mouth.)
There are other reasons that you might value others ideas and perspectives over your own. For instance:
- You feel that you shouldn’t speak up.
- You hear that voice telling you, “Who am I to say something different?”
- It may be cultural – you’re not supposed to question someone in authority, or a man, or someone in a particular position.
- It could be that you don’t trust your inner voice; you don’t pay attention to it, or you may not even notice it!
Whatever the situation, it is your thinking that guides you to make the choices you make.
Often your thinking is not accurate or healthy, but you may not realize it. You’ve been thinking these same thoughts all of your life and have neurological connections to support these habits of thought. To you, this is how it is. It’s what you are used to, and you never considered questioning how you think. (Until now, I hope!)
Whenever you say “yes” to something that you know in your heart and soul is not right for you, you diminish yourself and hold other people’s opinions and decisions as having greater value than your own. In other words, you DE-value YOU and OVER-value others.
Over time, this impacts you – physically, mentally, and spiritually.
The strategy for Sue, now that we have uncovered this thinking pattern, is for her to properly value herself and to acknowledge her intuitive ‘hits’ when they occur. She does not have to take her intuition as truth; but she can choose to get a second opinion, to discuss it with others whom she trusts (her coach, for instance) and then make choices that honor her rather than simply take something that another person says without questioning its validity or worth.
That little tug makes all the difference in the world and when we don’t listen to it – when we don’t honor ourselves – it hurts us and the people who love us.
The question for you is: In what way(s) are you NOT honoring yourself?
How do you know?
- You know by the small tug inside you.
- You know by any emotions you feel: anger, resentment, frustration, and disappointment.
Notice these emotions today and ask yourself: “What do I need to do to honor ME in this situation?”
Honoring yourself means asserting yourself in some way in order to get your needs met.
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Identify what hurts you.
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What do you need in order to feel good in this situation?
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Create a strategy for asserting yourself and getting that need met.
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Let me know what you discover.
Your partner for success,
Coach Julie ~ Nurturing Your Success
PS. Want help creating a strategy for asserting yourself? Contact me to arrange a free coaching strategy session today! Struggle is an option.
