Your Emotions Are Your Responsibility

“You made me feel…” “I feel angry when you do…” Is it possible that I have that much power over you to cause your body to react to what I do or say?

What you feel is about you. When you are with someone, you may think they make you feel a certain way. When you say that others make you feel a certain way, you give away your power to some outside force. You blame another for what you feel and how you think.

The reality is that no one can make you feel anything. YOU are responsible for your emotions – and for what you DO with those emotions.

Your thoughts (about an event, what someone does, etc.) trigger a neurological response that sends chemicals through your brain which then causes an emotional response.

And it is this emotional response that we act upon. These are often called “emotional buttons.”

Often our emotional responses are so intense and have been repeated so often that they have become ‘habits’ which means that every time that trigger occurs – someone raises their voice, uses a certain tone, behaves in a particular way – this neurological reaction occurs automatically and without your conscious awareness.

And your behavioral response occurs automatically too, which means you may behave in ways you’re not proud of but feel as though you cannot control it.

The emotional response occurs, triggering the behavioral response, and you play out this dynamic that becomes a ‘way of being’. You think this is just who you are. But it’s not; it’s how you behave.

No one makes you feel; instead, people’s actions trigger the cascade of internal reactions resulting in emotions that trigger your accustomed behavioral response.

When you accept this truth, you accept responsibility for yourself: for your emotional state and your behavior.

What is so amazing about this fact is that the same is true for falling in love. When you are ‘in love,’ the emotional state that occurs when you are together or when you think of your mate is what feels so good. YOU are responsible for this emotional state; not your partner!

So whether you experience anger, jealousy, love, sadness, joy or happiness, the emotion comes from within. It’s all about you, honey. What this means is that YOU are in control. YOU are in the driver’s seat.

What’s the key to success? Stop blaming other people or circumstances for your emotional state and start taking charge.

Whenever you experience some emotion, STOP. Breathe to regain control. Soak it in, then follow these three steps:

1. Identify the emotion. What are you feeling?
2. Behind the emotion is a need. What do you need in this moment? What will be of greatest value to you right now?
3. Take action to meet your need. Perhaps you need to ask for assistance, extend a boundary or take a time out.

Practice these three steps and eventually, you will create a new automatic response. Neurological pathways will be created to assist you with future encounters.

Learning to manage your emotions is a critical skill for leaders and essential for creating healthy work environments as well as developing good relationships.

No one can make you feel, just as no one can make you act a certain way; you do that all by yourself.

Your partner for success,

Coach Julie, RN ~ Nurturing Your Success

P.S. Count down has begun until our wedding! Any last minute ideas you’d like to suggest or stories you’d like to share? Email me at Julie@NurturingYourSuccess.com.